super quick write

i feel so much

i always feel so much.

nervous,

inspired,

bothered,

down

and up,

worn out,

ansy,

slow,

en retard, toujours en retard

pour mon propre fête ! quelle dommage.

cold

tired

lethargic with little bursts

of energy

compulsive

reckless

awkward

uncomfortable

the empathy

removed

dreaming

bloated

overwhelmed

eee

empowered

strong

loving

hopeful

optimistic

searching

leader,

follower

sexual

maker of ugly art

craving bedtime

and sweets

and exercise

gawking

drooling

boycrazy

two-faced

confident

disturbed

proud

confused

dazed

upset

let down

active,

need to run

to play

to write to love

to DANCE

smitten

crush on the world

people

family

animals

a page of my blog

my garments

and things

and you

YOU

a fool

a rebel without a cause

the music

in my ears

in my heart

the sweat drops

the blood

the occasional tear

i need more tears

no one would understand

i couldn't understand

shine on

that fire

that sex

those dreams

and you're the person

and we're supposed to be in love

but i can't find the words or the expression

i can't find me

me born in july of 88

in hampshire, england

and to be what person

of which community , of which pool of lovers

and in which weather

because where o where

do i need to be

will it ever be right?

when i breathe in

during yoga and stretch my body in all the best ways

and become increasingly flexible

and i take fish oil and aloe juice and my joints work well

and i run and swim

dance and flail my arms

there is always more to stretch and to more air breathe

always

and when i paint and when i study and when i sit at the computer

when i say i love you

the satisfaction does not come

the energy of the universe

imploding and exploding

but staying constant

even making a coffee

or a cake

going out for drinks

taking a walk

instant gratification,

and that's good

and i want more

and i think of funny things

i think of you and i laugh

i think of the world

so beautiful

in every way

there are no words

and so i laugh

there is no satisfaction

and so i strive

harder

cuz you know it's not about getting ahead of anything

besides your own person

there is only you

in the body you've got

what you've got

a miracle

miracle, gift, LIFE

and so i need to preserve life

i need to save lives

i have to nurse you

watch you die

i'll take care of you beautiful thing

like it's the only thing i can do

i love you

you make me feel like a person

passion lover animal dreamer rawr

my babies.

XO.